And Then There Were Two: When I Watch You Sleep                                                          

When I Watch You Sleep

Sometimes, boys, our days are long.

Sometimes I have waited for bedtime since midday because I've been tired and so have you and it's made us all cranky.

And even though we've played in the garden or been to the park or painted a picture, it's still been a really long day.

Sometimes all I can think about is how tired I am. Or how difficult it is to carry you around all day Little One because you're going through a Wonder Week. Or how hard it is to remain patient when you're having a tantrum Big One because you wanted to open your own banana, but you gave me no prior warning so I've opened it and it's the last one and now you want me to "zip it back up."

Sometimes all I can think is how frustrated I am that you're refusing to eat your spaghetti Bolognese which you always eat Big One or how you're not really eating anything at the moment Little One except bread sticks.

Sometimes all I can dwell on is that the house is a mess because you get toys out, play with them for six minutes and then move onto something else, leaving what resembles the aftermath of a tornado on the living room floor. Sometimes I huff and puff and pick them up whilst muttering about not being a slave because I don't even have the energy to battle with you if you refuse to do it.

Sometimes all I dwell on is that I haven't washed my hair for a week. Or that the closest I've come to 'me-time' is a day at work or a half hour bath surrounded by a floating Lightning McQueen.

Sometimes all I can focus on is how I feel. I'm selfish, I know.

But then you go to bed and I sneak up to check on you. And when I watch you sleep?

All I can focus on is still how I feel. And I feel so full of love that I could just wake you up to cuddle you back to sleep. I feel such an urge to guard and protect you with every ounce of my heart. I feel so unbelievably blessed that I have everything I always wanted.

When I watch you sleep, I forget everything I felt in the day. It is replaced by my heart wanted to burst from my chest with contentment.

When I watch you sleep, everything is worth it. It is more than worth it.

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