I'm sorry that some days you get through the door and I bombard you with words. With questions, with anecdotes, with any conversation I can possibly think of. Sometimes when I'm with two little people all day, one of whom has the conversation remit of 'ga-ga-ba-ba-da-da', I am desperate to speak to an adult about 'adult things'. Not Thomas the Tank Engine.
I'm sorry that some days you get home and I don't really speak at all. Sometimes when I'm with two little people all day (see conversation remit above), and I have spoken in great depth about whether Skye in Paw Patrol was really necessary in that emergency situation ("they didn't really need Skye in the end Mummy did they? They just climbed down"), I don't really want to chat anymore. I just want to stop talking and stop listening and just be in my own head for a bit.
I'm sorry that some days I just want to go straight to bed without a 'cuddle'. Sometimes, after a whole day of being pawed at by two children, of being dribbled on, leapt on and clung to I just want to reclaim my body for a few hours before I get up the next day and it starts all over again.
I'm sorry that some days we go to bed and I don't accept no for an answer. Sometimes, after a whole day of being pawed at by the kids, I just want you to touch me in a way which reminds me I am an attractive woman.
I'm sorry that some days you are stressed and I can't understand because I feel happy and relaxed. Sometimes it is a huge success that I've made it through the day with a good nap for the Little One and no tantrums for the Big One.
I'm sorry that some days you come home happy and looking forward to seeing us and I am moody and fed up. Sometimes I have prayed for bedtime since 11am and the day has been tough.
I'm sorry that some days I am unpredictable. That you don't know whether to hug me or leave me alone. Sometimes I don't know what I want either. Usually though a gin and tonic will do ;)
I'm sorry that some days I am entirely predictable. That I'm already in my pyjamas by 4pm and that the kids are having popcorn chicken for dinner again. Sometimes I am too tired to be anything but routine.
I'm sorry that this must all make me such hard work. But there is one thing that is constant and unwavering no matter how I am behaving:
I always love you and I always appreciate you.
Even if my show of appreciation is shutting myself in the bathroom reading Game of Thrones with a cup of tea.