When I filled in the application back in October, I was so excited. Excited that my little boy was growing up and nearly ready for school. I was excited about all you will learn and how you will grow when you start school.
Today I opened an email and sobbed. Not because I was upset with our school allocation. But because my excitement suddenly turned into the overwhelming realisation that my baby is growing up. That starting school is a big deal. It's a huge milestone. It's you, being away from me all week. It's you eating in a big hall full of people. It's you making new friends and becoming more independent of me than you have ever been before.
And I realised that, in a way, my excitement has had me counting down the days in anticipation. But now that this anticipation is gathering sudden speed, I just want to freeze time. I don't want to count the days and see the number grow smaller and smaller, the image of you stood in your school uniform hurtling rapidly towards me. I want to stop counting the days and I want to make the days count.
I want us to share every possible moment. I want us to read and paint. Bake and go to the park. Cuddle and giggle.
I want us to go on adventures, even if they're only in the back garden. I want us to go to soft play and I want to run through the madness of the giant foam gauntlet (even though I used to hate it), hearing you laugh and squeal as I chase you.
I want to be so present that I don't think about the future, only about what we are doing right at that moment.
Because when September comes and we are separated for five days a week, I want to remember how we used to sit and share a book and how you painted me a picture. I want to remember the taste of the cookies we made and playing hide and seek on the park.
I want to remember finding spider webs and caterpillars in the garden and having races down the slides of soft play.
I want to remember the past. Not through a photo or a video on my phone. Through my memories.
So we're going to make the days count Big One. Because I can't freeze time and I can't stop you growing up. But I can fill our days so full of wonder and love that, even when you go to school, you can't wait to run into my arms when I pick you up.