And Then There Were Two: Internal Monologue of a Six Month Old's Mind (in the morning)                                                          

Internal Monologue of a Six Month Old's Mind (in the morning)

6:00am - I think I might need a poo. I better let Mummy know. MUMMY! I don't know why I'm shouting as she's sleeping in the bed next to my cot after the fun we had in the middle of the night. I practised my rolling over for an hour while Mummy did this really clever thing where she watched me whilst slumped over my cot with her eyes closed, patting my back and stroking the back of my neck.

6:02am - ah Mummy there you are! I'm grinning at the memory that I only saw you an hour ago! Oh her eyes are still a bit closed. And she's putting that bloody mobile on in a vain attempt to climb back into bed (there she goes) and bag herself another ten minutes sleep. Mother why would a lion and a polar bear floating around a lit up jungle and the Antarctic entertain me for more than a few seconds? I don't even have the life experience to know what a lion or a polar bear is. I am so over this mobile already - it's for baby babies Mummy, I'm six months old for goodness' sake. I can't maintain attention on the same thing for more than five seconds now - unless it's that machine spinning round with all the clothes in - then I could watch that thing all the life long day.

6:05am - nope, this mobile is crap. Talking of crap, I still need that poo. I'll shout Mummy to let her know, even though I can go to the loo whenever and wherever I feel like it. Oh hi Mummy! Yes this mobile is pants - the crocodile has gone round four times now and I'm getting deja vu. Also.....hold on a sec......just filling my nappy........ok, done........can you get me up now please - well you have to really now that I'm lying in my own poo don't you?

6:10am - result! I'm up and dressed! Time to go and see Daddy who always does this funny skit where he pretends to still be asleep whilst I blow raspberries really loudly and grab his hair. Mother where is my milk? Ah there it is. Daddy strokes Mummy's arm and asks if she's tired and she says "yes I bloody am", which I think means she really enjoyed our early morning playtime.

6:18am - oh here's my older brother. He really makes me laugh! Mummy looks at the clock and sighs. Then she kisses us both and says to Daddy; "remote." Daddy passes Mummy the remote then gets up and says "tea?" I think they can maybe only talk in one word sentences now. I don't think that's anything to do with me or my brother.

6:20am - Oooh the remote. Is this food? I shall chew it anyway. Oh my brother is annoyed because Fireman Sam has gone off and Everybody Loves Raymond has come on. Apparently I've pressed some button or something? I don't see how, when the remote control has been in my mouth the whole time?! I am so misunderstood.........