Monday, 18 April 2016

When September Comes

So Big One, you're off to school.

When I filled in the application back in October, I was so excited. Excited that my little boy was growing up and nearly ready for school. I was excited about all you will learn and how you will grow when you start school.

Today I opened an email and sobbed. Not because I was upset with our school allocation. But because my excitement suddenly turned into the overwhelming realisation that my baby is growing up. That starting school is a big deal. It's a huge milestone. It's you, being away from me all week. It's you eating in a big hall full of people. It's you making new friends and becoming more independent of me than you have ever been before.

And I realised that, in a way, my excitement has had me counting down the days in anticipation. But now that this anticipation is gathering sudden speed, I just want to freeze time. I don't want to count the days and see the number grow smaller and smaller, the image of you stood in your school uniform hurtling rapidly towards me. I want to stop counting the days and I want to make the days count.

I want us to share every possible moment. I want us to read and paint. Bake and go to the park. Cuddle and giggle.

I want us to go on adventures, even if they're only in the back garden. I want us to go to soft play and I want to run through the madness of the giant foam gauntlet (even though I used to hate it), hearing you laugh and squeal as I chase you.

I want to be so present that I don't think about the future, only about what we are doing right at that moment.

Because when September comes and we are separated for five days a week, I want to remember how we used to sit and share a book and how you painted me a picture. I want to remember the taste of the cookies we made and playing hide and seek on the park.

I want to remember finding spider webs and caterpillars in the garden and having races down the slides of soft play.

I want to remember the past. Not through a photo or a video on my phone. Through my memories.

So we're going to make the days count Big One. Because I can't freeze time and I can't stop you growing up. But I can fill our days so full of wonder and love that, even when you go to school, you can't wait to run into my arms when I pick you up.

So, Big One. What do you want to do today?


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8 comments:

  1. Oh such a lovely post! This will be us next year and I think I will be feeling much like you #marvmondays

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  2. Omg this made me well up coz my eldest is going to school next year and I am also worrying about him getting the right school, making friends etc...I guess like every other mum out there. Great post. #fartglitter

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  3. Your posts always have a way of moving me and this one is definitely no exception! I have another year before Miss Tot goes to school as she is a September baby, but your words really hit home with me and made me just want to run upstairs and wake her up to read another bed time story! I hope that you got the school that you wanted, and that you enjoy your adventures together this summer.

    Thank you for linking up to #FartGlitter xx

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  4. Beautifully put - like you I was excited about my big boy starting school but now as it draws closer I realise how hard it will be losing my superhero side kick #bigpinklink

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  5. I'm choking up here! My little boy is only 2 and yet I can already see how fast time is going to fly, he'll be going to school before I know it. They just grow up so fast, it's hard to stop and take in every single moment! Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo

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  6. This bought back so many memories for me. My sone was so ready for school yet had to wait longer than his slightly older friends. However that last term and summer were wonderful as I was able to be with him and him alone for most of it. Enjoy every second but don't worry. When the holidays come rounnd you'll have loads of fun!

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  7. Oh, this is just so beautiful... So touching, and all true...! I'll still have another year in September before my oldest goes to school, and it's finally dawning on me that it will happen, and I'm getting really sad about it already... I'm already cursing for the days I've wished both the children were at school, cursing that I have wished too many times that I could have some peace, cursing that I haven't made the most of every second... But I will be making sure over the next year and a half that we do have the best time ever!! Because I know how much I will miss him when he's gone to school!
    Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink

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  8. You sound like such a dedicated 'present' mummy, one that I don't feel that I am. I've been a SAHM ever since my first was born but I never played or baked etc with them I guess because it's not how my oh so Indian parents were with me. Maybe that explains why I didn't shed a tear when my eldest started school. I've read a lot of emotional posts recently actually about kids getting their school places but I remember being excited and it just seemed a normal stage and she was only 3! This post has made me really think. Thanks for joining us at #passthesauce

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