As I sit here on a
weekend break with my husband, kissing like teenagers (not literally
as I type!), enjoying each other's company and remembering why we had
our children in the first place, I'm reminded of an article I read
just after having our first child.
You see, I'm also
missing our children. Really
missing them. Totally enjoying the hot tub, not watching cBeebies and
looking forward to the full night's sleep. But missing them.
I remember reading an article a few months after the birth of our
first child, written by a woman who was wondering whether she was
suffering with postnatal depression. And one of the motivations for
her wondering this, was that she felt she loved her husband more than
her newborn baby.
so I sit here, sipping Cava and snacking on olives, child free and
tired at 6pm, wondering......
do I love more?
husband came first. Without Mr H there would be no children. The love
I feel for him was the catalyst for having children. After three
weeks of seeing him, I told one of my best friends; “I'm going to
it took less than three seconds to know I'd die for my children.
this mean I love them more? Because I felt love more quickly for
them? Because I carried them inside me? Because they are literally a
part of me?
it mean that I should love my husband more because he 'got there
first'? Because I loved him more than I'd ever loved anyone before?
what I've realised is that it's perfectly natural and normal to love
in different ways.
relationship with my husband is based on mutual love, understanding,
lust (sorry Mum!) and the fact that we are individual souls,
consciously entering into this union. We didn't choose to fall in
love but we did choose to maintain independence, interests and
friendships exclusive of our relationship.
with my children? They are totally dependent on me. They rely on me
entirely and, without me, they would fail to thrive. I have to
provide for them; physically and emotionally. When I gave birth to
them it became my job to give them everything they need.
it is the best job in the world. It is frustrating, tiring and
challenging. But rewarding and wonderful all at the some time.
relationship with my children is one of responsibility (mine),
dependency (theirs) and love (both).
relationship with my husband is one of co-responsibility (both),
co-dependency ( both) and love (both).
do I love more?
a different kind of love. But its always from the bottom of my heart,
with every fibre of my being.
baby one, baby two; I love you all equally, in totally differently